“Show Yourself,” I said

By Brent Andrews

It is embarrassingly easy for me to think back to times in my life that I felt disconnected from god. The amount of time I have spent struggling to form some aspect of my relationship with god seems to be disproportionate to the times that I haven’t. The former occurring much more often, at least in my mind. I was thinking of when, exactly, I felt especially disconnected and I came up with a short list to pinpoint my struggle: Middle School, High School, now. And before that, I wasn’t totally sure about how to put on a shirt, so I don’t know if I should include that time or not.

On a more serious note, I have had many deep encounters with God and have felt full with his love, it just seems like I spend so much time trying to form what I believe that I forget to really build a relationship with my creator. It easy for me to be ashamed of the constant spiritual tug-of-war that goes on in my scattered brain. I think it is a myth that forming a relationship with Christ gets easier with age. I believe that some parts of the relationship can be strengthened with time and practice, but I don’t think that our relationship with god is like some gray cloud that slowly drifts away and reveals the sun as we grow older. Keeping with the cloud analogy, my relationship with god has gone something like this: There is a stagnate cloud in the sky that occasionally blocks my view of the single mountain that I want so badly to see. I get frustrated because that cloud should just move, right? However, after a while, I realize that when I finally turn around to grab my pack there is a whole range of mountains that will take my breath away. Here is a little poem I wrote about times like this in my life. Maybe you can relate.

“Show yourself”

Too often my prayer is, “Show yourself. I need to see something,

anything.”

I wonder if he laughs or cries each time I mutter these selfish words,

“Look at the stars, boy, and look at the moon. I am here child, I am

always here.

Feel your heart beat, boy, and feel the wind. I am here child, I am

always here.”

“Show yourself” I repeat,

“Show yourself”

 

I think that our culture is one that praises answers so much that our desire to sit in the unknown is not only uncomfortable, but also completely foreign. I think it is powerful to be able to work through our struggles by sitting with them for a long time and not searching for a quick fix or, in some cases, a fix at all. We are all facing such a wonderfully complicated life and true answers will be few and far between. It is what we do with the time in-between that will define our relationship with one another and with god. I know that when I seek spiritual answers, I am often only focused on getting what I think I need. Sadly, I almost never know what that is. Let us not focus on the lone cloud blocking what we want to see, but let us turn around and allow god show us his plan instead because it is so much better and it is somehow always there.

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Author Bio:  Brent Andrews is from Nashville, Tennessee and is currently a freshman at Western Kentucky University where he studies Foreign Affairs and Mandarin Chinese. He loves to spend time outdoors rock climbing, hiking, camping, ect. This is a very transitional time for him and he is excited to be able to lean in and share with Ignited as he continues to grow.

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