Finding “Father God”

By Hope Mather

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I began to realize the profound connection between my feelings towards my dad and my relationship with my heavenly Father. I struggle to feel that I am significant enough to be noticed by my own father, and consequently by God. Looking back on my life to this point, I now see that the times I have been closest with my own father have paralleled the chapters of my life in which I felt the deepest connection to my Creator. But I have convinced myself that this closeness is inconsistent. Unreliable. It will go away when other things are more deserving of his focus. I have the tendency to tell myself:

“I must be doing something impressive and practical with my life to merit the attention of a father.”    

I have always known my father loves me. However while I was growing up, he was often preoccupied with his own transgressions, leaving me to feel the weight of insignificance in the family spectrum. I often felt that the knowledge of my worthiness and lovability floated outside of my head in an external reality, and that the only thing I could truly believe about myself was that I was small. Insignificant. Disconnected from my father. And I convinced myself that that was simply how the whole father/daughter relationship had to work for me.

These lies have eaten away at my ability to feel a deep and unmoving connection with the one who calls himself, “Father God.” It has affected my ability to feel worthy in my most intimate human relationships as well. It is at these times when I feel myself to be merely a meek little girl without true impact, that I must remind myself of one phrase:

“I am enough.”

 

No matter where I am in my personal journey, my heavenly father will always have both eyes on me, and his arms open wide. The beautiful thing about our God is that he can provide this perfect fatherly affection to all of his children. He sees into my heart, and into your heart, and witnesses every lovely thing about us. As my Creator, he rejoices in my growth into the person who he intentionally designed. All I have to do is tear my eyes away from the trivial insecurities within myself, and stare boldly into the face of the Father whose love is entirely steadfast and everlasting.

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Author Bio: Hope Mather is 19 years old and a freshman at Belmont University in Nashville, TN. She loves art and finds joy in creating, usually through drawing, painting, or working with clay. She is studying Social Entrepreneurship and hopes to some day be working in a position of service to God and to people.

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